I don't know, sure you do

During a recent virtual keynote, a participant said "I know I want to be more present in conversations, but I don't know how." What?  I asked her "Just say you did know how, what do you think you would do?" She said "Well, I guess I could turn off my phone." Good ...what else do you think you could do? "Well, I guess I could look my friend in the eye and actually listen and concentrate on what they are saying". Good, and what else? "I guess I could ask questions about what they're telling me to find out more information."
You see we use "I don't know" as an excuse when we really mean I'm not prepared to, this is too hard, or I don't care, or I don't want to. Or, it's just an easy way to deflect when you want to sidestep a difficult or uncomfortable question. "I don't know" has become such an important part of our vocabulary - it means we won't do the hard work, won't check ourselves and consequently fail to actually think. Do the work. When do you find yourself saying "I don't know", be honest with yourself. More often than not you do you know, you just need to go to work. It doesn't have to be perfect, you just have to do the work. GB